Reasons for global conquest...
...are many and varied, but, musing recently, I think that the British, when pursuing that whole empire thing that preoccupied us for a century or two, probably had the best motivation for wanting to take over the world.
Other nations are a bit boring and predictable, like America, the country currently in the ascendency, who seem to be looking for oil and other such tedious nonsense. The British did not get hung up on the acquisition of anything as contentious as fossil fuel - we had much simpler objectives in mind. We travelled to the far corners of the planet, bullying and oppressing as we went, but when all is said and done only seemed to have three things, aside from land, to show for our enterprise; tea, potatoes and tobacco.
Or, to put it another way, hot beverages, crisps and fags. We conquered the globe in order to improve the quality of our breaktimes. To this day, as a result of the endevour of our brave ancestors, the British breaktime is the finest in the world.
Tea, especially, is a great example of the way in which the British treat the culture we import. In the Far East, a cup of tea is an event. It is a delicate drink, served with great grace and ceremony. The Japanese in particular are renowned for their intricate and ornate tea rituals, some of which are so long-winded that by the end of them the tea has gone cold.
The British wanted none of this, of course, and after getting tea we then focussed all our efforts on finding faster ways to get it into our faces. The ceremony of the East was discarded in favour of sheer, bloody-minded, twelve-cups-a-day efficiency. Even the teapot and the whistling kettle on the hob seem obsolescent now, thanks to teabags and Russell Hobbs. It encapsulates the typical British philosophy; no fuss, no nonsense, just a nice, hot cup of tea. Mmmmmmmmn.
And, just to add insult to injury, we went on to advertise it using chimps.
Land of hope and glory indeed.
Peace. X
Other nations are a bit boring and predictable, like America, the country currently in the ascendency, who seem to be looking for oil and other such tedious nonsense. The British did not get hung up on the acquisition of anything as contentious as fossil fuel - we had much simpler objectives in mind. We travelled to the far corners of the planet, bullying and oppressing as we went, but when all is said and done only seemed to have three things, aside from land, to show for our enterprise; tea, potatoes and tobacco.
Or, to put it another way, hot beverages, crisps and fags. We conquered the globe in order to improve the quality of our breaktimes. To this day, as a result of the endevour of our brave ancestors, the British breaktime is the finest in the world.
Tea, especially, is a great example of the way in which the British treat the culture we import. In the Far East, a cup of tea is an event. It is a delicate drink, served with great grace and ceremony. The Japanese in particular are renowned for their intricate and ornate tea rituals, some of which are so long-winded that by the end of them the tea has gone cold.
The British wanted none of this, of course, and after getting tea we then focussed all our efforts on finding faster ways to get it into our faces. The ceremony of the East was discarded in favour of sheer, bloody-minded, twelve-cups-a-day efficiency. Even the teapot and the whistling kettle on the hob seem obsolescent now, thanks to teabags and Russell Hobbs. It encapsulates the typical British philosophy; no fuss, no nonsense, just a nice, hot cup of tea. Mmmmmmmmn.
And, just to add insult to injury, we went on to advertise it using chimps.
Land of hope and glory indeed.
Peace. X
posted by Ben Schofield at 2:08 PM
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